One of the things that has made it so hard to seek out any kind of help is that I feel like my life is so ridiculously improbable. When I sit down and think about it, and when I try to talk about it, it sounds like an awful Lifetime movie special to me. And that's embarrassing. Also, I guess it's even doubly embarrassing to admit all the stupid choices I've made. I mean, really, the Hare Krishnas. What the fuck was I thinking?