My therapist told me that when it gets really bad, I should try to stay in the moment and experience it, feel whatever it is that's coming. And I'm trying to do that. But it's crippling. I only have two modes: hurting-intensely and distracted-and-vaguely-hurting. Every other emotion I have is muted. I didn't know how tightly wound I was until everything fell apart. Did everyone else see it? I think maybe they did.

... throughout their lives they will continue to look for what their own parents could not give them at the appropriate time-- the presence of a person who is completely aware of them and takes them seriously. - Alice Miller